Popsicle Schtick: Beet Buttigieg, Crabernet


-Welcome back, you guys.
This is so exciting. It’s time once again
for “Popsicle Schtick.” [ Cheers and applause ] [ Laughter ] -For those of you
who don’t know, this is a bit where my writers
come up with bad jokes and then try to save them
with what they call “kickass graphics.”
Here we go. Who — Here we go.
[ Light laughter ] Who is running for president
of the vegetables? Beet Buttigieg.
[ Laughter ] -♪ Popsicle Schtick ♪ [ Laughter ] -You get it.
[ Laughter ] Next popsicle. What’s a crustacean’s
favorite wine? A crab-er-nay.
[ Light laughter ] ♪♪ -♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪
-♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪ -♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪
-♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪ -♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪
♪ Now popsicles up ♪ ♪ If you like it then you
shoulda put a Schtick on it ♪ ♪ If you like it then you
shoulda put a Schtick on it ♪ ♪ Save a joke
with a sexy graphic on it ♪ ♪ If you like it then you
shoulda put a Schtick on it ♪ ♪ Whoa-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh,
oh oh ♪ ♪ Oh, oh oh oh,
whoa-oh-oh, oh oh oh ♪ ♪ Oh-oh oh, oh oh oh ♪ [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] -There’s something different about tonight’s
“Popsicle Schtick” that I do want to let
you all know now. Usually, I will
watch all these animations over the course of the week,
leading up to the airing. And then I will give notes
and say, “I don’t think that’s one’s
great,” or “Maybe do some more.” And then I realized
I was giving notes about what a [bleep]
popsicle stick was doing. [ Laughter ] And that, ultimately,
none of it mattered, and that every second
I spent giving notes about a popsicle stick, I was gonna spend
a million years in Hell. [ Laughter ] So, tonight,
for the first time ever, I haven’t seen any of these. [ Laughter ] Which is why I was mildly amused
by that last one. [ Laughter and applause ] If you were watching
“All the Schtickle Ladies” and saying to yourself, “Wow,
based on Seth’s expression, he could take or leave this”… [ Laughter ] …that was genuine.
[ Laughter ] Moving on, what do
the Mario brothers use to communicate
with the spirit world? A Luigi board.
[ Laughter ] -Young Schticks,
old Schticks, step right up and test your strength. Who among you can move the
immovable head of Seth? -I can, I say!
I can! [ Ding! ]
[ Ding! ] [ Air whistling ] [ Thud ] [ Laughter, audience “Ohhs” ] -♪ Popsicle Schtick ♪ [ Laughter ] [ Laughter and applause ] -You see what’s happened here? You see what’s —
I’ve been taken advantage of. [ Laughter ] I also want to point out,
I have seen the jokes. [ Laughter ] So, when you see these
and you’re like, “Oh, he must’ve
not have seen those, ’cause why would he sign off
on a joke like Luigi board?” [ Laughter ] That was the best
of a hundred jokes. [ Laughter and applause ] Why was the priest
in such good shape? He loved to exorcise.
[ Audience groans ] [ Laughter ] Oh, no.
His stick caught on fire. [ Siren wails,
tires screech ] -Nothing to worry about here,
Mr. Meyers. We got this under control.
-Good, good, good. -[ Screaming ]
-Oh, Jesus. [ Laughter ] -Buzzards guts,
it’s happened again. [ Laughter ] Those sticks will never learn. Oh, God!
[ Screaming ] Buzzards guts, I’m a ghost! [ Laughter ] And I’m going to Heaven.
[ Harp playing ] Goodbye, everyone.
[ Laughter ] Oh, no! It’s Hell!
It’s Hell! I thought I was going up,
so it was Heaven, but it’s Hell! Oh, God!
I’m burning up again! Oh, God! [ Laughter ] -Now, see, if I hadn’t ceded
my authority to the writers, I would’ve said,
it feels like back-to-back ones where popsicle sticks die…
[ Light laughter ] You know, one where my head
falls on them and they burst into blood
and then that one, where a bunch of them burn up. And as a comedy writer, I don’t know if you should put
those two next to each other. [ Laughter ] And then, they would’ve looked
at me and gone like, “Uh?” [ Laughter ] And then, I would’ve said,
“This is pointless. I should just let them do it.” [ Light laughter ] What do you call a bird of prey
who only eats avocado toast? A millennial falcon. [ Laughter and applause ] [ Thuds ]
[ Ding! ] -He’s killing ya, kid!
You gotta hit him! You gotta crush him! -You gotta cut me, Schtick. I can’t see nothin’
outta my eye. [ Audience groans ] You gotta cut me more.
-What? -Cut the other eye. -There’s nothing wrong
with the other eye! -Just cut it. You gotta cut me more.
-Huh? -Cut off my head.
[ Light laughter ] -What?
-You gotta cut off my head. -Okay. [ Ding! ] [ Laughter ] -So…
[ Applause ] So that would be
three deaths in a row. [ Laughter ] But, now, in comedy, there’s something called
the rule of threes, and what that is, is even when
three writers work on a piece, none of them notice that.
[ Laughter ] The writer who came up with this
is named Ian Morgan. He’s right over there. And you can follow him
on Twitter at — what is it? Chrisperer?
-It’s @TheChisperer. [email protected]
-Yeah. The cat whisperer.
-The cat whisperer. [ Laughter ] If a popsicle dies on this one,
I’m [bleep] coming over there. [ Laughter and applause ] What does the Power Ranger
with no parents say? “It’s orphan time!” [ Laughter, audience groans ] ♪♪ [ Horn honking ] ♪♪ ♪ It’s a wooden life for us ♪ ♪ It’s a wooden life for us ♪ ♪ ‘Stead of act one,
we get kicked ♪ ♪ Into act five
’cause we’re Schticks ♪ ♪ It’s a wooden life ♪ ♪ Daddy Sethbucks we never see ♪ Daddy Sethbucks?
What’s that? ♪ Who’s he? ♪ -It’s time for “A Closer Look.” [ Crashes ] ♪ No one cares for you a lick ♪ ♪ When you’re in
a Popsicle Schtick ♪ ♪ It’s a wooden life ♪ ♪ Just Schticking about
tomorrow ♪ ♪ Makes you forget the news
and the sorrow ♪ ♪ With one lick ♪ ♪ The Schtick’ll come out
tomorrow ♪ ♪ So don’t blow your brains out
’cause tomorrow ♪ ♪ They’ll be Schtick ♪ ♪ When I’m stuck with a show ♪ ♪ That’s slow ♪ ♪ And boring ♪ ♪ I just whip up a Schtick ♪ ♪ That’s sick ♪ ♪ And str-e-e-etch out ♪ ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ Okay, now we’re done
with this part ♪ -Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a very special treat for you tonight. Please enjoy our rendition
of the song “Smooth Criminal,” as performed in 2003
by Alien Ant Farm. ♪♪ ♪ Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay? ♪ ♪ Are you okay, Annie? ♪ ♪ Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay? ♪ ♪ Are you okay, Annie? ♪ ♪ Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay? ♪ ♪ Are you okay, Annie? ♪ ♪ You’ve been Schticked by ♪ ♪ You’ve been struck by
a smooth popsicle ♪ [ Laughter ] ♪♪ ♪ Together at last ♪ ♪ Together forever ♪ ♪ We’re Schticking a knot ♪ ♪ They never can sever ♪ ♪ I don’t need sunshi– ♪
Ohh, ohh! [ Cracking, groaning ] [ Laughter ] -♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ There’s only 10 minutes more ♪ ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ Just kidding,
we’re almost done ♪ ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ We promise
this is the last one ♪ ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ For real this time ♪ ♪ We ♪ ♪ Are ♪ ♪ Done ♪ [ Laughter ] -Oh-ho-ho-ho! Hell is weird. Goodbye, everybody. Oh, my God! [ Cheers and applause ] -That was “Popsicle Schtick”!

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. 2:29 AHHHHHHH! That is such an old meme and they barely missed it's mark because they should have said "Weegee board".

    Because there's a meme character called "Weegee" and it's weird as hell. But I can't blame Seth's team for not knowing about Mario memes from like, what, 2004?

  2. you didnt see it.??.. you did see it ???? hmmm liar i guess… a very lame skit… like a 12 year old thing my grandson might do at camp… get serious ffs the country is falling apart and gonna go to hell..

  3. Watch closely. You won't get another chance. On second thought, bad has always had a sneaky way of being good. Just look at some of Johnny Carson's old monologues.

  4. This is why Seth is the host. He can save even a skit like this, and still make it entertaining. He's a comedy safety net for the network.

  5. I feel like I watched a Make-a-Wish to write jokes/do animation with Seth Myers. It was painfully unfunny with a heavy dose of mortality on the side. ☠️

  6. We are losing our only planet and the liquor and weed is so good in America today adults have time and not only create this cartoon but thousands of them will escape into it, the best part is everyone wants to eat chocolate Annie.

  7. At this point I feel like I'm pity watching. Do people actually like this? Maybe try someone who are not white male more? Hire me pretty please? I'm sketchy but not schticky.

  8. This is the best thing I've ever seen in my life. I'll never forgive myself for missing this live. Comedy is subversion, and vis versa

  9. Previously, the popsicle jokes would get gradually worse while the animations got gradually better. This time, it's the other way around.

  10. On a Friday night after drinking whiskey for three hours, this still sucked horribly. Please don’t do this again, even free, the cost was too high.

  11. As I've never seen this segment before, I genuinely thought this was going to be about mayor Pete's diet at the Iowa State Fair.

  12. Ehh…I’d look for a better bit but I mean I chuckled so whatever.

    But if you gotta explain it, like a GoT ep, well…you know.

  13. Schtick Around, we'll be right back. Yep, I went there ! Love the writers and Seth for having the balls to take 11 mins to air this one out on network TV ! Love love love you guys !

  14. Considered turning this off several times in the beginning, but I'm glad I stuck around for the fire and Annie.
    This reminds me of the gritty "WIld West of Comedy" skit Conan was doing in the 90s.
    Never knowing where it's going or how/when it will end. At least a couple legitimate lols.

    The popsicle rising to heaven and then realizing it's hell <- the person that wrote that should be promoted.
    The "It's Orphan Time!" into Annie into Are You Ok Annie by Alien Ant Farm <- promote this person

  15. That was bad, I gave this video 14 thumbs down using all my dummy accounts and I demand every second of my wasted time back!

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