NORMAN – MA VIE EN DESSIN


Hi, it’s Norman! Today, I want to present you
a video a bit special, because I like everything
that is special. I wanted to draw
something called a “Draw my life”. It is very simple,
you just have to draw your life on a white board with markers
and them film it. In French, that could be translated
as “Ma vie en dessin”. Moreover, I am in luck, because
I’m really good at drawing. False! Well, I grew up here,
in the favelas. I spent my childhood shooting
with fucking guns and — Yeah, no, in fact,
that’s not true at all. My life is
a lot more ordinary. But I will tell
you about it anyway. So, my name is Norman,
I grew up in France. I was born in Arras,
I grew up in Lens, more precisely in Lievin,
in short, I grew up in the North. My grandparents were miners
in the coal mines, a typical job in the north
of France, at that time, at least. They were called
“Gueules Noires” [Black Faces]. Yeah, even if they were not really black,
the coal was. My grandparents and my parents
lived in houses for miners, which are called “corons”. Therefore, I descend from
a typical ch’ti family. And I’m proud of it,
damn it, OK? My mother was a history and geography teacher
and a junior high school principal, and my father was a cultural center manager
and a promotional video director. Well, I drew them with red hair,
but that’s because I don’t have other markers. When I was a child, I was special because
I had a full head of blonde curls. ♪ A grandma’s haircut ♪ Seven days out of seven.
A true delight. Adults liked to tell me,
“Oh well, you look like Goldy Locks!” but girls my age would say,
“Hey, look, he looks like a sheep!” Perfect! Boohoo! So, to overcome that,
I often went to the hairdresser, and when I would leave,
girls my age that I loved would say, “Hey, look,
he looks like a shaven sheep!” Boohoo!
[Psss, snorts] Sometimes, my father would bring home
the big camera he used at work. My sister and I never stopped
playing with it. We made funny little videos. Ding! Hey, Daphné, how about we make a sex tape?
I have the same voice as the old guy in the Simpsons. But Norman, it’s not possible, I am your sister.
>>OK, then! Yes, I was trying to imitate
a guy whose voice is breaking, because at the time, I was some kind
of big stinky teenager. To have a big sister has advantages,
but also drawbacks. For example, my mother liked to recycle
my sister’s clothes, by making me wear them. Hey, come on, I don’t want to,
I am a boy! I have a wiener, OK? But she would always tell me, “But Nono, don’t worry, these are unisex clothes!”
>>OK. And the next day,
I was in school. Hey, look, the sheep
is wearing a dress! Haha! Haha!
>>Hey, you should know that these are unisex clothes, OK! Well, some kind of unisex dress. Let’s throw stones at him! Ooh!
[boohoo, psss, snorts] Later, when I was around 12 years old,
I started playing music. I played the saxophone. So yeah, it’s a super classy instrument, but only if you play very well. Norman, can you play a song
with your saxophone? Yeah, sure.
[saxophone] You are too pitiful. I am deleting you
from my MSN friend list right now. I have even been a scout,
a Catholic scout of France. That does not really look like a scout scarf,
it’s more like a stethoscope. Hello, I am a doctor! Except that when I was with the scouts,
well, the older ones would beat me up. Hey, come on, give me your scarf! And your beret! And your iPhone!
That does not exist yet, thank you very much. Until the day
my mother intervened. Hey, you two, leave my son alone right now,
or I will beat you up, hey!
[Zoom] Then one day, my mother
got caught by a very mean serial killer
called cancer. She left us for the stars. I’m sure she’s looking at me
from where she is. My sister, my father and I
moved to Paris. And my France is
more and more disgusting. I graduated from high school with…
with no honors, and then, I found myself playing a video game,
a MMORPG, for two years non-stop. And then I repeated a year,
and then I repeated a year again. During those years, I did something
which wasn’t bad, which is that I got married. Yeah, it may seem a little strange,
but I got married, with a night elf.
I found her really hot. Then, I tried to get a driver’s license.
Well, I tried. The day I passed,
the inspector told me, You are the worst driver on planet Earth,
it’s awful, you are a public danger! Hey, does that mean I have it? I started making videos with
my best friend Hugo on Dailymotion. Hum, wait, excuse me.
That’s it, like that. Yeah, no, in fact,
like this. Hum no, in fact,
more like this. No, I’m kidding!
It was called Le Velcrou. In relation with shoes
with Velcro straps. At the time, we thought it was fancy. Then, our friend
Kemar joined us. He was a very, very funny guy
with very large glasses. It’s at that time that we chanced
upon other guys that also made videos
on Dailymotion. There was Cyprien,
Monsieur Dream at the time, Jérôme Niel, known at the time
as La Ferme Jérôme, Maxime Musqua, known at the time as
Les Chroniques de la Grosse Pomme, Jhon Rachid,
at the time Mac Gyver du Bled, and Mister V,
at the time Mister V. Yeah, you need to know that
I drew him very, very poorly. I’m sorry. And this is not a lamp shade,
it’s a hat. And then, there was also
Amandine du 38. [inaudible] At that time,
it was 2008. I liked making videos so much,
that I even went to my college, to tell them. Hello, I drop out of college.
I want to make videos on the Internet. Hum, what’s the Internet? Is it a sport? Like badminton? But it is also at that time
that I joined the organization “Cats of the streets”,
because I love cats. Since I was a child,
I always have many. I remember seeing one that was
very cute, with red hair and a pirate style, I wanted to take it,
it was the one I was going to take, and then suddenly,
it started [vomits]. Hum, after all,
I will take this one! It was Sergi.
>>Oh no, why me? I don’t have a brain! Then one day, while coming back from
a ping-pong contest, I thought, Well, what if I made a little video to tell this story,
but all by myself this time? I uploaded my video on YouTube
and there, I went viral. Why? Because I am Van Damme!
I am aware! Concurrently with my YouTube videos,
I started doing some stand-up comedy. Exactly the same vibe
as my videos, but on stage. Some people think that I thank
too often my subscribers, that I say too much thank you
to the people who watch me, but those people don’t know,
they can’t imagine how much the Internet users
have changed my life.

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. Toutes mes condoléances pour ta mère, elle es fière de toi j'en suis sûre et quelle repose en paix . Et ne nous remerci pa c normal quon sois la Norman.

  2. Ça serait tellement cool que tu vienne nous faire un petit coucou au stade couvert Aréna de Liévin Norman 😋😉

  3. Tous ceux qui ont perdu leurs parents j'ai un truc à vous dire même si vos parents sont morts souriez à la vie c'est ce qu'ils auront voulu moi mon papy est mort d'un cancer et ma mamie a aïsameure une maladie ou on oublie tous elle m'a même oublier moi,et je souris à la vie même si c'est pas mes parents…… WTF

  4. En faite tu dessinés trop bien 😍😍 et oui ne t'inquiètes pas ta mère te regarde et elle est fière de toi 😊😊